What have I been thinking all the while? I realised I have been seeking for something always which I thought I needed. In fact, was it a desire instead? The question was reflected within my subconscious when the re-bound pinch into me.
For the last 2 years, I thought I have found & given someone TLC which I thought was something coming out from my own will & never expected an assume. Time & time again, I can't help but hoping my sincerity was answered. Nevertheless, it was not answered & it back-fired onto me. Analysing from the incident, it was actually my desire for a return when I give. I just can't help it. From the same point of view on a side note, I was actually giving something I hope to received. All the endurance & giving have made things turned out to be nasty. Afterall, there is a limit to an individual's tolerance, isnt it? Because of wrong mindset at the very beginning, I lost a friend. Things are never the same. But having said that, I have done my part to salvage, it's up to the other party.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Journey Has Ended
How long has it been, i asked myself. Period wasn't short, neither did the first time it kicked of till now has been too long a time. All the while, emotions & feelings were vital to me in the process where i was the only worker. Sometimes you just gotta face it, most things in our life just don't go the way we wanted & hoped for.
I still remember the first time where all has began. Through the travel of time, things has changed & evloved. Has the changes become better? Or it just make you realise you just gotta stop your steps & end your lone journey. Somehow or so, deep down in the heart, I just knew the day would come & I will just have to stop my foot.
In my lone journey, gates & guards were my first barrier from entering. It was tough at first, but eventually, I did pass the gates with a little help from my perserverance. I thought things did happen to go my way as I managed to set my foot on the pavement but somehow people gave me a piece of advise "though you launch your foot onto the pavement, is your destination in view?". This question did came to me & i have to admit, no view in sight of any destination & i might not even know whether i will make it there.
I always believe in sincerity & perseverance, so I gave in my heart in seek for answers to the destination I desire to reach. I gave patience, passion & accepted critism and to build myself stronger & ensuring that I adapt to the enviroment. Many obstacles do came along, some I manage to overcome them. But sad to say, I only manage to overcome them, but did not understand the meaning behind the obstacles.
Up to this moment today on the 30th of DEC 2010, I finally realise the pavement wasn't meant for me to start off my journey. Sometimes, no matter how hard you tried, the destination is just not fated for you. My heart really hurts. But the longer if I continue to move, I will just find myself not even close to the any destination. In fact, there might not be any destination afterall. The gate master once said to me, "I can't stop you from deciding to start your journey, but I can't gurantee any results & the pavement might not be suitable for you".
From this moment, I have to end my lone journey. I have given my passion & heart into it, but the enviroment just wouldn't accept my existance. I guess I just wasn't good enough.
I still remember the first time where all has began. Through the travel of time, things has changed & evloved. Has the changes become better? Or it just make you realise you just gotta stop your steps & end your lone journey. Somehow or so, deep down in the heart, I just knew the day would come & I will just have to stop my foot.
In my lone journey, gates & guards were my first barrier from entering. It was tough at first, but eventually, I did pass the gates with a little help from my perserverance. I thought things did happen to go my way as I managed to set my foot on the pavement but somehow people gave me a piece of advise "though you launch your foot onto the pavement, is your destination in view?". This question did came to me & i have to admit, no view in sight of any destination & i might not even know whether i will make it there.
I always believe in sincerity & perseverance, so I gave in my heart in seek for answers to the destination I desire to reach. I gave patience, passion & accepted critism and to build myself stronger & ensuring that I adapt to the enviroment. Many obstacles do came along, some I manage to overcome them. But sad to say, I only manage to overcome them, but did not understand the meaning behind the obstacles.
Up to this moment today on the 30th of DEC 2010, I finally realise the pavement wasn't meant for me to start off my journey. Sometimes, no matter how hard you tried, the destination is just not fated for you. My heart really hurts. But the longer if I continue to move, I will just find myself not even close to the any destination. In fact, there might not be any destination afterall. The gate master once said to me, "I can't stop you from deciding to start your journey, but I can't gurantee any results & the pavement might not be suitable for you".
From this moment, I have to end my lone journey. I have given my passion & heart into it, but the enviroment just wouldn't accept my existance. I guess I just wasn't good enough.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Mahjong Session
Sunday has come again, no doubt, another mahjong session with 3 of my best one of a kind mahjong Kakis. Too damn bAD! I lost again today. Nevertheless, the session with them is always with all the fun and laughter which made my day. It has been so long back then since we had started with this mahjong session trend. I suppose it started back in our Poly life on our year 3 semester 2.
So many years have past, from when we were still schooling, till we got enlisted, and now a year after we have ORD, we never missed out on one another and kept in close contact for so long. Our "COMMON INTEREST" have brought the 4 of us together. Hahaha. What close buddies!!
Our culture is there, no matter we win, or loose, how much or how little, we never hold grudges. That was also the reason why we could bear and understand each other. Most importantly, the fun and friendship kin is there at every session!! Not to forget in every session, Henry never fails to deliver the classic "HWA LAO EH!!!"
Today, Alastier our "Er Shi Xiong" randomly brought out something that came into my thoughts. He mentioned "hey guys, have you all ever wondered next time when we are all married, and when we organise mahjong session, we will bring our wife & childrens along & they can have their own entertainment & us the four old goodies will be enjoying our mahjong?" Immediately, I was the first to answer "yes, we will have this day coming to us but apparently, I suppose I will still be single by the time you guys bring your wife n spouse along. Haha!" Then, I thought to myself, should I or supposedly "would I" have already gotten a wife by then? With my character, I'm not sure either..
Mahjong session of cause not forgetting dinner time, thanks to Cheng Yan who had prepared such wonderful dishes to fill our stomach. Cheng Yan our "Man Beast" always gives good hospitality with regards even we were close buddies. A great Chef journey belongs to you my friend!
I guess, there isn't much times where you can find a small group of close friends where you don't have to hide or grudge anything in front of them. Less to say, still keeping in contact for so long despite the changes we had in our own life. This is a kind of fate we had for each another. One thing for sure, for as long as we still share the "Common interest" which will never change.. haha!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I thought I could forget about everything
A year plus? Didnt knew time past so fast. The last I have seen her was almost a year ago.
Having said so, I thought after all these while, I have started to move on and get on with the old self whom i was before. Till I had this chat with my best BUDD yest, I realise that there is no longer any feelings, in fact, it was the impact that stumbled onto me since then.
No doubt, you create a very big impact to me. You made me changed, hopefully for the better, but because the hurt you left me was too deep, changed my thoughts, character, and even my emotions into another person who i myself also doubt whether am I me???
I had to face it, and determine to forget everything tt left me bad memories, time has past, if I hadn't seen wat i see & hear wat i heard, i wouldn't have left with no choice but to give it up. Wishing all the best for you was what i can say to u, I only i got the chance, i would rather you have stayed with me. You have teached me alot of things, u gave me the best in my life I ever had, but you have also left me with the worst in my life when u go....
I THOUGH I COULD FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING ever since. many months, many hours, many minutes have past.. Now, sometimes your smile is still in my memory, whenever i thought of it makes it feel so wonderful. when i opened my eyes, i look around me, im filled with emptiness..
I want to forget about everything. I had to move on, i don't wanna get trapped into the person i am now, im horrible... Thx Brother. you know who you are. I will listen to your words..
Having said so, I thought after all these while, I have started to move on and get on with the old self whom i was before. Till I had this chat with my best BUDD yest, I realise that there is no longer any feelings, in fact, it was the impact that stumbled onto me since then.
No doubt, you create a very big impact to me. You made me changed, hopefully for the better, but because the hurt you left me was too deep, changed my thoughts, character, and even my emotions into another person who i myself also doubt whether am I me???
I had to face it, and determine to forget everything tt left me bad memories, time has past, if I hadn't seen wat i see & hear wat i heard, i wouldn't have left with no choice but to give it up. Wishing all the best for you was what i can say to u, I only i got the chance, i would rather you have stayed with me. You have teached me alot of things, u gave me the best in my life I ever had, but you have also left me with the worst in my life when u go....
I THOUGH I COULD FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING ever since. many months, many hours, many minutes have past.. Now, sometimes your smile is still in my memory, whenever i thought of it makes it feel so wonderful. when i opened my eyes, i look around me, im filled with emptiness..
I want to forget about everything. I had to move on, i don't wanna get trapped into the person i am now, im horrible... Thx Brother. you know who you are. I will listen to your words..
Monday, July 12, 2010
Can't believe i started this blog.
Sitting in front of my desk in my office. 12th July 2010, 3.15pm in the afternoon. Somehow, for after so long, i decided to share my thoughts through this blog. Not denying that if i hadn't the free time during work break in my working hours, i couldn't even have started on this blog.
Maybe it is what happen on this day gave me thoughts that move my feets on to the next motivation in my life. Today, my manager was on MC, eventually i received a call from his customer and he demands his order to be delivered within 2 hours. If he was around, i wouldn't have got the call anyway! I was at my wits, still serving as a rookie in the company, i didn't knew what to do. Hence i tried out the method that i have learnt before in my previous job and during my service as a BSO. I went down to production site and demanded urgent delivery to be done with any delay or excuses. To my amaze, the bangalar guy who took care of the store tried to smoke me out!!! But i insisted on my stand and gave pressure to the procurement department to get it down. My perserverance pays off. The product was finally delivered to the customer before the time dead-line. HollA!
Having been through this, it gave me the thought and realised that i'm beginning to rocket off my desk as a OJT AE into my real job. I feel confident again. No matter what, it is a lesson learnt though. When you have to get something done, by hook or by crook, no matter what ways you gotta use, u HAVE TO GET IT DONE! Sign off~~back to work~.
Maybe it is what happen on this day gave me thoughts that move my feets on to the next motivation in my life. Today, my manager was on MC, eventually i received a call from his customer and he demands his order to be delivered within 2 hours. If he was around, i wouldn't have got the call anyway! I was at my wits, still serving as a rookie in the company, i didn't knew what to do. Hence i tried out the method that i have learnt before in my previous job and during my service as a BSO. I went down to production site and demanded urgent delivery to be done with any delay or excuses. To my amaze, the bangalar guy who took care of the store tried to smoke me out!!! But i insisted on my stand and gave pressure to the procurement department to get it down. My perserverance pays off. The product was finally delivered to the customer before the time dead-line. HollA!
Having been through this, it gave me the thought and realised that i'm beginning to rocket off my desk as a OJT AE into my real job. I feel confident again. No matter what, it is a lesson learnt though. When you have to get something done, by hook or by crook, no matter what ways you gotta use, u HAVE TO GET IT DONE! Sign off~~back to work~.
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